the idea of you

I’m tired of playing games. I’m tired of pretending I like and know how to play games.

I’m tired of waiting and I can’t even start on how tired I am of wondering. Of wondering if when you started a conversation with me you did it because you were being polite or because you wanted to talk to ME. I wonder if when you quickly and slightly touched my hand you did it on purpose or not. I wonder if you think of me as often and with the same intention as I think of you. I wonder if it is all in my imagination.

I know I can find that out by simply just having a conversation with you about it; by making a move. But how do one take the courage to do that?And is this the right time? Is it about timing? In a sense that if I do it now I may ruin everything as you may not be ready for it or if I wait too long it may be too late? Or is it just about doing it? With no fear of rejection. No fear of playing a fool. No fear of ending a friendship that hasn’t even started but which is already very cherished. Do I have something to lose? What am I afraid of losing if all I ever had is the idea of you?